


Seen

by bobbiejelly



Series: MerAdd My Heart <3 [125]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-28 19:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30144240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly
Summary: "So you didn't take him back," you hear her follow you down the hallway.No, I didn't."Good girl," says Addison, as she walks in your shadow.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery
Series: MerAdd My Heart <3 [125]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687834
Comments: 34
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

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**Seen**

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"So you didn't take him back," you hear her follow you down the hallway.

_No, I didn't._

"Good girl," says Addison, as she walks in your shadow.

_You feel like you deserve an award for that, because you basically almost caved, but you didn't._

"Sometimes people do desperate things for attention," Addison calls after you.

_She sounds genuine, and that makes all of it even worse._

"There are two sides to every story," she adds on.

_You don't want to hear hers', because you don't want to feel sorry for her even more than you already do._

You brush her off, and she leaves you alone again.

_And you sort of wish that she'd followed you more._

* * *

Your life turns upside down and inside out again when your mother shows up all Alzheimer-y and aggressive.

_It wasn't going to stay a secret for very much longer._

Derek's still trying to talk to you, but you're trying hard to avoid talking to him.

_Don't give in. He's a liar. He will just hurt you again._

You're staring at him though. You're up in the gallery watching him operate.

_Kinda pathetic, but you're allowed because you had a bad day._

You tell him off while you call his wife all 'leggy and fabulous.'

_She is. It's part of why you're avoiding her also._

Cristina collapses and you know that she's safe with Addison.

_She's got this. Cristina is okay and now you feel as though you owe everything to the woman whose husband you'd been screwing. You basically have the worst kind of karma._

* * *

She finds you one day, still staring at Derek from the gallery, hiding behind your notebook, but you're not so much taking notes as admiring him again.

_Why does she have to find you like this, still all longing and awkward?_

"Ah, the subdural hematoma. What a nice one," Addison starts a conversation with you. And you answer her to take your mind off of Derek.

_She's smiling. Was her smile always that smiley?_

"Yeah…" You fumble, wringing your hands together.

_That grin. That must have been why he married her. That and for her kindness, and smartness, and everything you ranted to Derek about her._

"I don't want someone who doesn't want me, Meredith…" Addison says as she spins around her wedding ring. "And he doesn't, so I'm leaving in the morning. I just thought that you'd want to know," Addison surrendered.

_Oh, no. She's given up. There's nothing left for her here, and now you want her to stay here. She's good for Alex, and Izzie, and she's already saved Cristina. And as for you…_

"Will you stay?" You blurt out, and Addison looks at you with a surprised expression.

_Stay for me. I don't hate you. And I want you to be in my life._

"I won't stay for him," Addison says softly. You shake your head before you explain that it's for everything but him. Everyone except him. And when she signs a new contract the next day, you already know that she's stayed because you had asked her to. And she did.

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	2. Chapter 2

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**Seen**

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Addison is staying and your mother might have cancer and you're freaking out all over again.

_What kind of daughter hopes that her mother might have cancer just so that she'll die high and happy rather than sad and slowly?_

You visit Cristina, and Bailey tells her what happened, and Izzie and George and even George seem to be getting along with you and with each other now.

_Seriously, you're not in high school, you're super done with the mediating of petty roommate conflicts._

A part of you wants to run and kiss Derek, but a bigger part of you knows that that would be a major step backward.

_You couldn't do that to Addison after she decided to stay in Seattle for you, now could you?_

You find out your mother isn't going to die a fast death from liver cancer and you send George to tell her.

_Okay, so it's a little weird that Ellis Grey thinks that your roommate is your father, but you've got bigger fish to fry than to try to convince her otherwise._

It's raining, and it's fitting, and you don't even put on your coat before you sit out on the bench in it.

_Water is healing right? And it hides away all your tears._

* * *

You think you'll stay out here for maybe ever, all by your lonesome until you hear a familiar figure approaching you.

_So maybe it would be nice to have just a little bit of companionship._

"Meredith…" The voice is soft and soothing and it makes you feel safe and comfortable.

_Thank goodness it isn't Derek._

"Addison…" You sigh, and the redhead comes up to sit down beside you.

_She's wearing her black fur coat as if she's prepared this, and she looks all pristine next to you who is all soaking wet._

"I'm exhausted," you begin rambling. "My mother is exhausted. What happened to Cristina is exhausting. And you? Hating you is the most exhausting of all. And I don't want to do it anymore-" you cut yourself off from rambling, and you lean in infinitely closer to Addison.

_She's all emerald green eyes, and ruby red lips, and all of a sudden you just have to kiss her._

"Meredith-" Addison cuts you off, and places a warm hand on your shoulder.

_No, don't interrupt me. I just want to kiss you, and have you kiss me._

* * *

"Meredith-" Addison strokes your hair back, and pulls you in so your head lands on top of her shoulder.

_Why won't she let me?_

"I can't- we can't. I'm married, and you're hurting. I don't want this to blow up in your face again," says Addison as she plays with your hair gently.

_Derek was married, but that never stopped him._

"You don't want me. Sorry, my bad-" you fumble. And then you realize you never even asked her if she liked women, and she's probably trying to let you down easy.

_Why are the straight ones always so hot anyway?_

"I didn't say that-" Addison cuts herself off sharply, and gives you a sympathetic look before she sighs, and rests her chin on your head.

_So she does want you. Or at least she could, anyway. Interesting._

"I'm still sorry, I shouldn't have come onto you like that, I have impulse control issues clearly, and you were just so caring and that's usually how I respond to caring-" you explain to her.

_You can feel her nod and smile at you before you even look up to meet her eyes. She accepts your apology, and she recommends that you get some sleep, and be with your friends for a little while. She says that she doesn't want you to make all the same mistakes that she has. You tell her that of all the words you'd use to describe her, 'mistake,' isn't one of them. And she just laughs._

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	3. Chapter 3

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**Seen**

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You're worried she'll tell Derek on you, or tell the whole hospital about your near-miss of a kiss last night, but she doesn't.

_She stroked your hair last night for half an hour until you were purring like a kitten under her touch._

The next time you see her is when Bailey asks her to consult on a case, and you don't understand why she's here until she explains her genetics research to you.

_Of course, another faux-pax. And also, underestimating her._

Addison suggests that she help with the surgery, and you're delighted, and you're glad that Addison isn't a gossip even if you're a little disappointed that she hasn't talked to you about the previous evenings' events at all.

_You want to know what she's thinking. Is she thinking about you?_

Bailey is attached to this patient, and you feel yourself start being attached to Addison.

_What is it with you and holding onto anyone caring and kind as soon as you meet them?_

Your mother goes missing. They find her. She goes missing again.

_It's probably genetic; your perpetual tendency to run away._

* * *

The patient isn't responding well.

_Oh, no._

You've done your part in the resecting, but his lungs are failing, and his kidneys are failing, and you can see on Addison's face that he's not going to make it.

_Bailey's gonna be crushed._

His heart is failing, and Bailey is pumping on the patient's chest. You try to step in and ease him out of the world, but Bailey pushes you aside again.

_It's so hard to let go when it's so close to the end._

Addison sees that he's gone, and she acknowledges it. She calls it, and then she heads into the scrub room without a word.

_Addison follows her, and then you follow them, tentatively._

Bailey scrubs out, leaving you alone with Addison.

_You hope that you'll finally have the talk that you're needing to have with her._

* * *

"He doesn't want me anymore. I put these rings on because they're pretty, but they're just decoration," Addison sighs.

_Who wouldn't want her?_

"I can't believe he would give all that up… Not for the likes of me for sure," you sigh back.

_Yeah, that was too good to be true at the time._

"I believe it. You're special, Grey," Addison smiles softly.

_Oh no, now your heart is pounding again._

"So you're gonna divorce him?" You blurt out.

_Yup, you're definitely obvious._

"The ball is in his court. If he signs, then I'll sign… And I really do think that he's going to sign them," says Addison.

_Yipee!_

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	4. Chapter 4

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**Seen**

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Your patient is going to be paralyzed if she doesn't have spinal surgery, and her father insists that she's not ready to have it, and Derek is still acting cute around you even though he really really has a wife.

_Addison's looking for him. She's been looking for him all day. You wonder if it's for the divorce papers…_

Derek's going to try to talk some sense into the father, and meanwhile, your brain is still reeling from the events of the previous evening.

_Addison took off her wedding rings. She wasn't wearing them this morning, she put them into her wallet._

"Can you get a social worker in here so she can talk to the girl?" Derek asks you. "Yes, Dr. Shepherd," you answer him easily and professionally. He looks as though he wants to say more to you, but he doesn't.

_If confusion were pain, you'd be winning up there along with your patient. Izzie's mad at George because he didn't kiss her. George is annoyed at both of you because you vented to him last night. And you keep wondering what Addison is really thinking about you._

She's not operating today, and you're not sure if she's going to go back on her word about not leaving Seattle. Today she's dressed in a black dress, and it looks very pretty.

_At least your mother is going home today also. Back to the nursing home, where you'll visit her, and she may or may not remember you._

The patient doesn't want to talk to a social worker. She tells you about her traditions though.

_It must be comforting to know that you have something sacred to believe in._

* * *

Addison catches you later, and tells you about George's great save in the elevator.

_You're proud of him. He deserves a win after being called 007._

"You should have seen it, it was incredible. He had his hand on the aorta," Addison gushes.

_If she praises you like this someday, you're pretty sure you'd melt right onto the floor._

Cristina's off tending to her patient who watches porn for pain management, and you chuckle when you hear Bailey grilling Derek about it. "PORN!? AS PAIN MANAGEMENT!?" She says it three times while waving her arms at him, and it's almost as entertaining as the case in itself.

_You wish you could wash all of your pain away with some videos. Even if they had to be those kinds of videos._

You half want to ask Addison if she wants to get a drink with you at Joe's later, but then you realize she's not going to accept while she's married, even if it is to protect you.

_You want to hold her hand, and take her on dates, and buy her a dozen roses. Or maybe a hundred._

You decide that maybe you'll write a speech for her. That'll get her attention, right? Maybe you'll ask your patient about how romantic it sounds.

_As much as you're annoyed with Derek right now, he does always come through with the medicine, and this time apparently even with getting a Shaymin._

* * *

After your patient's healing ritual, the surgery goes very smoothly, and you're grateful.

_Let's hope if you're ever injured that the surgical staff of Seattle Grace will be on your side at least this much._

You start practicing your imaginary love-speech for Addison. If you were going to say it to her it would go something along the lines of 'pick me, choose me, love me, because we both know that Derek is great, but you're really great, and I want to spend the next years of my life finding out if you ever wanted a dog, and what kind of music you like, and taking you out to the movies. And I might not be much but I'm loyal, and-'

_It's a little pathetic. All rambly and run-on sentences. You really gotta work on your grammar skills._

And now you're pacing back and forth, and you're saying it aloud so it'll sound smoother, like the part where you want to be 'so in that you're having her over for dinner parties, and maybe you'll even have her meet your mother if she hasn't already, and you could go shopping together…'

_Derek tries to catch your eye after surgery, but you tell him his wife is still looking for him, and that you've got to talk with her after._

And the next time you see both of them together, they're sitting over one of the cafeteria tables with two blue pens and a mountain of paperwork.

_Holy crap, they really are getting divorced._

"Meredith," Addison smiles at you, after she looks up from the pages. "We're free," she says a bit nervously, side-glancing at Derek but it's way too late to be stopping you now.

_And you had a whole speech planned and everything. Oh well, that's okay. You'll tell her all of that on your way home together._

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	5. Chapter 5

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**Seen**

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"So you picked me, huh?" Addison smirks as she opens the passenger side door for you.

_Why so smug? Ugh! She's infuriating._

"So I picked you…" You scoff, but underneath it, you're smiling.

_You think you made the right choice._

"So you know it's Montgomery now right? The divorce went through so now it's just Montgomery," says Addison.

_What a pretty name for an even prettier woman._

"Yes, Dr. Montgomery," you tease her. Addison grins.

_She smiles like sunlight._

"Where are we going?" You ask her.

_You don't really care, as long as you get to be with her._

* * *

Addison takes you for a drive, far out and far away, and the windows are down and the music is up.

_It's romantic. It's oh-so-romantic._

You end up by the ocean, and Addison says she stumbled upon it when she got lost one of these times.

_The waves of the ocean match the waves of her hair. Oh wow, that's cheesy._

"It's so pretty at night, with the reflection," you sigh contentedly as you lean your head against her shoulder. Addison nods approvingly, and she reaches her arm around you.

_Her eyes flicker gold in the green parts when she's wistful like this._

"So, are you gonna tell me your speech then?" Addison asks you.

_What speech? Noooooo there are no speeches._

"I think you can figure it out for yourself," you say coyly, with a soft grin.

_Addison chuckles, and the laughter rings loud and warm into the air._

* * *

"I'm not what you came for," you eventually blurt out to her.

_Definitely not what she came for._

"No, but you could be who I stay for," says Addison, as she brushes over your hair because she knows that you like it.

_Okay, now THAT is the most romantic thing that anyone's ever said, ever._

"I thought you promised already you wouldn't be leaving," you say bravely.

_She's staying for you._

"I guess I already did," Addison smiles.

"What are we?" You ask into the semi-darkness.

_Please say something like 'girlfriends!?'_

"We can be whoever we want to be. Surgeons, career women, good friends to our friends…" Addison smiles. "And together we can be… People who share their first kiss together?" Addison offers you tentatively.

_You laugh softly as you both lean into each other, your lips barely grazing as your eyes fall shut, and the rest of the world falls away as you open your eyes again, and you can see that she's looking at you like she's got some love-speeches planned for you, too._

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_Author's note:_

Thank you folks for staying right until the end of this one!

The lines "I'm not what you came for," and "but you could be who I stay for," are direct references to one of my favorite stories "Not what you came for" by flipflop_diva but with a happy and fluffy ending. It's been a ride, really great to be completing a story when many of them are far from finished. Have a great day everyone, and let me know what you liked about it. '

Cheers,

bobbiejelly


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